"Witness the Night"

I brought this book yesterday and finished reading it within 6 hours. I took a break in between to go for the movie "I hate luv storys".

The summary on the back cover was very captivating.
Some of it read -

" Durga. A fourteen-year-old-girl, found all alone in a sprawling house in Punjab. Silent, terrified, and the sole suspect in the mass murder of 13 members of her family.

Simran. A whisky-swigging, chain-smoking social worker from Delhi. She is Durga's sole hope, for Simran is the only one who believes that she may be more a victim than a suspect.... "

From the back cover on I was hooked to the book. Page after page it was a compelling read and very well written.
But somehow in the end I felt betrayed. The end didn't do justice to the beginning. The mystery was still not very clear you could reach your own conclusions.

But I would definitely recommend it. It is a very good first time novel by the author Kishwar Desai and it does end on a happy note.

N's 1st movie in the theater...

... happened to be "I Hate Luv Storys"! I know could have been something more child friendly but then this was the best of the worst.

My sister and I planned to take him for a movie over a cup of coffee in the local coffee shop. He had never been to the theater so we decided to treat this as an experiment in "The social behaviour of 2 year olds on their 1st visit to the theater".

We chose seats that had easy access to the aisle - in case of emergencies! For the 1st 15 minutes N was the perfect kid. He sat in my lap and stared at the big screen. He was stupefied by the big screen and the louder then usual sound track.

Then started the explore-your-surroundings phase which resulted in pushing the seat of the bald man sitting in front of us. The man turned back twice and that was enough to send me scrambling. I picked up N and went down to the exit ramp. The next 15 minutes were spent in trying to pacify an irritated toddler and putting him to sleep.

I did succeed at that and could watch the movie in peace for about an hour and a half. At a particular scene where the lead actor was professing his love for the leading lady - there was pin drop silence in the hall. All of a sudden rose a high-pitched shriek followed by a full throated scream. N was up and so I saw the last 15 minutes of the movie from the entry door.

After this experience I think I'm going to hold on taking N to the theater for some more time ~ read a few years!

When was the 1st time you took your kids to the theater? And what do you suggest is a good age?

P.S.- the movie by the way is a waste of time! All glamour and no substance.

Parenthood

I was watching this movie today "Marley and Me". Its about a couple who have a dog named Marley and how he keeps them together through years of marriage and 3 kids.
The female lead in the movie, Jennifer Aniston, after a tiring, gruelling and nerve wracking day says "Parenthood is the hardest job and no one ever prepares you for it." I found myself nodding in agreement.

It is the hardest job ever - you are responsible for an individual or 2 or more. Responsible to bring them up the "right" way. To make sure they are well-mannered, decent and well-educated.

There are no training sessions, no live samples to practice real-life situations with. Of course we do have parenting classes and support groups. But theory is very different from practical in this subject. Nothing can train you to manage the rush of anger when your little one does quite the opposite of what you say or the feeling of frustration when he pees in his pants for the nth time just before you are all ready to leave for school. It is an emotionally demanding job.

You have to keep up with the enthusiasm of the clients aka your kids. Constant activities to keep them busy, nursery rhymes over and over again, play ball and catch need a lot of stamina.

There is physical strain involved too! Running behind a 2 year old to finish his meal, carrying him godi (in the lap) along with his school bag, bending down to change diapers zillion times a day (when they are babies) - all this along with keeping the house spic and span, getting hot food on the table does take a toll physically, especially if you don't have any help.  

Moreover you don't get any monetary benefits. The rewards in this case are all intangible.

But when your li'l one smiles that toothy smile and runs up to you and hugs you saying "Mama" in that cute voice everything seems worth it! Its hard work but worth it!!

S turns older!

My dear darling hubby S turned 32 today. I sometimes look back in time and feel very happy that our paths crossed. If I were to describe him here is how that would go -
                                                         He is tall, broad shouldered  and well built (though a little paunch sticks out from time to time). At first glance he seems shy or quiet. Some of my aunts call him mild-mannered and 'biba' (which in Punjabi means decent). He has a pleasant personality and smiles - most of the time!
                                               He is generous and big-hearted! He might bargain with the big electronic shop for a discount but to the golguppe wala on the street he will gladly give an extra 10 bucks. For him the old saying holds true "ghar mein jagah ho na ho, dil mein jagah honi chahiye" (which means "it doesn't matter whether there is space in the house or not, there should be place in the heart").

S is honest and has his head-on-his-shoulders. He can stay detached from a situation and yet give you practical advice. A lot of our friends really appreciate that about him. I get irritated with that sometimes because he cannot be the 'just-hear-me-out-don't-give-a-solution' kind of friend. Well then there are girl friends for that :)

Like a true cancerian he is very attached to his family - parents, siblings as well as N and me. Another cancerian quality is the "love for food". S is a true foodie and loves trying out new restaurants. His favourite cuisine remains apna desi Indian khana.

As a father S is great! From the time N was born S participated in every aspect of taking care of a baby. As a result I could leave N with S and regain my sanity by spending some time with my friends and by myself. Initially I used to interfere with how he handled N but I slowly learnt how to control those urges and let S handle N in his own way.

My mom had once asked me "Why S?" ~ Because he makes me feel loved! I am comfortable in my skin with him. I feel protected yet independent. I feel I can do anything in the world with him close to me.
Happy Birthday sweetheart!!

Guilty or not?

It all started with my husband's aunt asking me about my 21 month old son N - "You haven't trained him to go poo poo in the pot yet??"
I started thinking of all possible answers and excuses.

"He isn't ready yet" ~ aka I am not ready to clean up all the messes he shall make.
"He just doesn't do it on the pot" ~ aka I don't have the patience to sing songs and clap and dance to entertain him while he sits on the pot.
"What if he poops on the cream coloured couch or the bed?" ~ aka I cannot watch him continuously for signs of going poo poo.

I felt so guilty of not being the "ideal mom" whose kids are potty trained as soon as they hold their first bottles. It was all my fault!
I should have started taking N to the bathroom every 20 minutes when he was a month old. That would have helped. Or I should have brought one of those poo poo song cds or dvds to motivate him into sitting on the pot for some time. Or maybe I should have rewarded him with candy and let him flush every time he used the pot.

The more I thought about it the more it stressed me out. After deeper introspection (read surfing the net and self assurance) I concluded that every kid has a different pace of doing things (I know we all know that). And so DOES every mom. I don't need to attempt to be a "super-mom" always. 
A couple of years down the line I don't want to remember this phase of life for all the mood swings and power struggles I had with N. I want to remember them for the small joys, the role play games and the cuddling together. And that will happen only if both of us are happy with each other. 

The world shall not come crashing down if he wears diapers for a few more months.
So now if someone asks me Why is my 21 months old son still in his diapers? The answer would be "Because I am not ready!" And I shall not feel guilty about that.


This post is my entry to "The Women's web 'Mommy Guilt' contest". Click on this link to see their article 'Fight that Mommy Guilt'.