Thursday, June 24, 2010

Guilty or not?

It all started with my husband's aunt asking me about my 21 month old son N - "You haven't trained him to go poo poo in the pot yet??"
I started thinking of all possible answers and excuses.

"He isn't ready yet" ~ aka I am not ready to clean up all the messes he shall make.
"He just doesn't do it on the pot" ~ aka I don't have the patience to sing songs and clap and dance to entertain him while he sits on the pot.
"What if he poops on the cream coloured couch or the bed?" ~ aka I cannot watch him continuously for signs of going poo poo.

I felt so guilty of not being the "ideal mom" whose kids are potty trained as soon as they hold their first bottles. It was all my fault!
I should have started taking N to the bathroom every 20 minutes when he was a month old. That would have helped. Or I should have brought one of those poo poo song cds or dvds to motivate him into sitting on the pot for some time. Or maybe I should have rewarded him with candy and let him flush every time he used the pot.

The more I thought about it the more it stressed me out. After deeper introspection (read surfing the net and self assurance) I concluded that every kid has a different pace of doing things (I know we all know that). And so DOES every mom. I don't need to attempt to be a "super-mom" always. 
A couple of years down the line I don't want to remember this phase of life for all the mood swings and power struggles I had with N. I want to remember them for the small joys, the role play games and the cuddling together. And that will happen only if both of us are happy with each other. 

The world shall not come crashing down if he wears diapers for a few more months.
So now if someone asks me Why is my 21 months old son still in his diapers? The answer would be "Because I am not ready!" And I shall not feel guilty about that.

This post is my entry to "The Women's web 'Mommy Guilt' contest". Click on this link to see their article 'Fight that Mommy Guilt'.


  1. 'I don't need to attempt to be a "super-mom"'

    Ditto! :)

  2. Nice one! I'll probably end up using those words when people ask about Rad too!!

  3. Thanks Shankari! This guilt had been weighing heavily on my mind and so this blog gave me the much needed way to vent it out.

    Arundhati - I am slowly trying to learn how to relax :)

  4. I always think people need to be less judgmental but then its more about how judgmental we are about ourselves!

  5. Nice one....everyone who is anyone has advise on how to raise the baby...I find that I am having a performance appraisal all the time....things like "why why do u keep ur daughter on diapers...u should use langots" and yes from 1st month onwards I used to get potty training question...I dont understand whats the big deal...we all try our best ..even if I dont want to be a super mum ppl around me somehow expect me to :( Me also slowly trying to relax and not try to live according to others expectations

  6. Thanks Parul and Suk. Parul like Suk said I think we need to be less judgemental about ourselves and ignore most of the unsolicited advice from others :)

  7. Oh Simran, Hugs! Don't we moms thrive on guilt, sometimes holding on to it like a lifeline? You pinpointed the practical issues so well - and part of it, at least what I like to remind myself, is the nature of our isolated nuclear families today... it truly takes a village to raise a child and we as moms have to do it alone these days!

  8. Thanks Sheela! I wish mom or some one similar could be there to help with such things, but then they can't be around always so got to do this on my own.


What do you think? I would love to know!


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